An A-Z of Germany

Seeing as I hadn't done a blog post in ages before my last one, here's another. The definitive A-Z list of Germany. Warning! Stereotypes present, but at least they're based on my own experiences.

A is for ADMIN
Ok so the Germans like admin. My supervisor in Southampton mentioned this might be the case. Can't we just email them something to add their electronic signature to? Nice and easy. No! The Erasmus co-ordinator at Freiburg stamped my arrival form twice and then put a sticker on it, before finally signing it. Needless to say, 'E' won't be for efficiency.

B is for BEER
A stereotype, but the beer in Germany (unlike the sausages in my opinion) really is amazing. A 500 year old brewing law in Germany means beer is only allowed four ingredients: water, yeast, barley and hops. That means you get none of the chemicals you find in lagers from the UK, France, Holland... and, well just about everywhere else.

C is for CARS
Supremacy: 'the best or nothing' (Mercedes), arrogance: 'the Ultimate Driving Machine' (BMW). But it's hard to deny that German cars are pretty awesome, and as uniquely German as the Autobahn itself. However, I think the Germans love their bikes even more than their cars.

D is for DEUTSCHE BAHN
I don't like them very much. Check out my previous post.

E is for ENVIRONMENTAL
I might be coming from a biased viewpoint because I'm living in the 'Green City' but it seems like lots of Germans really care for the environment. It's easy to here with such amazing scenery around. Who would want to see the Black Forest chopped down to make post-it notes?

F is for FUßBALL
I had to put this in whilst living in the country of the world champions. You can't win a World Cup without huge dedication for many years from your home country. And the Germans do love football. But still not as much as us.

G is for GEORG HOFFNUNG
That's my name in German. Not that you can translate names, but it's still fun.

H is for HOMELY
Maybe because it's a nice country, or that the people are friendly and welcoming, but I do feel very at home here. Deutschland ist meine zweite Heimat.

I is for INTELLIGENT
I don't know if this is more of a stereotype or if it's actually true, but in my experience Germans are very clever people. History would also seem to back me up: Bach, Einstein, Kant, Nietzsche, Goethe...

J is for JA
I really can't think of anything for J.

K is for KLAR or ALLES KLAR
Literally means everything is clear, but I would also translate this as sure, okay, any time, yeah, all right, understood, are you ok?, looking good, of course, absolutely... and those are just the ones I can think of.  They say it all the time. After living in Germany I'm sure of only one thing: there are more uses for 'Alles Klar' than there are people in the world.

L is for LINGUISTS
The Germans I've met are excellent linguists. It seems most people can speak English, and a lot can speak French too. The bathrooms in our flat are respectively labelled 'Boys/Chicos/Jungs/Garçons' on one door and 'Girls/Chicas/Mädels/Filles' on the other.

M is for MENSA
German universities have cafeterias, or Mensas, that serve pretty good food for very low prices. You can get main meal for €2.50 or a soup and bread of €1.50. We need this kind of thing at home!

N is for NO SENSE OF HUMOUR
People told me this before I left for my year abroad. Definitely not true. They have a great sense of humour.

O is for ORGANIC
I like buying organic stuff here, mainly because it's more affordable. I think in the UK it's largely about class and status. "Oh God, I would neeeevvverrr buy non-organic produce. All those God-awful pesticides..."

P is for PEGIDA
Germany haven't been immune to anti-Islam demonstrators either. Pegida is a group of populist anti-Islam, anti-immigration activists. However, on a positive note, the response to it has been very strong, with thousands demonstrating against them in practically every German city. Remember, Freundshaft hat keine Grenze! (Friendship has no borders).

Q is for QUATSCH
I picked this because I think it's such a great word. Pronounced 'kvatch', it means nonsense. This blog post is mostly Quatsch to be honest.

R is for RULES
I think Germans appreciate having structure and rules they can adhere to. The perfect example of this is when they cross the road. A respectable German will wait until the light goes green to cross, even if there's not a car in sight. Pretty much any other nationality will make a judgement of how fast the approaching car is going before making a quick decision. I'm not saying the rules are a bad thing. The beer law as I already mentioned is great. The ordered recycling as I've talked about in previous posts is the future.

S is for STREUSEL
Streusel is a delicious topping the Germans put on cakes and pastries. It's made from butter, flour and sugar, so it's a lot like a crumble topping. Try it!

T is for TRAMS
I love the trams in Freiburg, and in Germany in general. They're cheap, much more reliable than trains and they seem to cover almost every place I want to go to in the city (except Ikea).

U is for UNTERKUNFT
Unterkunft means accommodation. I live in a Wohngemeinschaft (WG, shared flat) here. They're similar to halls in the UK except they're not just packed with freshers; I think they're for students of all ages. People often stay in them for more than one year, which means they feel more lived in and less 'don't put anything on the walls or you won't get your deposit back'.

V is for VAUBAN

A really cool district of Freiburg that is a model of sustainability. I'm also using it as one of my cases studies in my dissertation. Look at all those solar panels!

W is for WURST
The eponymous word for this blog. I hope that's the correct use of the word eponymous. I'll happily admit that German beer is the best in the world. But sausages? Give me a Lincolnshire any day over any of their ones.

X is for XYLOPHAGOUS
That means 'wood-eating'. It has absolutely nothing to do with Germany, but you can try thinking of a word beginning with X that does.

Y is for YARP
Ok not strictly Germany-related either, but the Year Abroad Research Project is what we have to do as our third year dissertation. It's what I should be working on now, really. And on that note...

Z is for Ze End.

Why I went to war with Deutsche Bahn (and then backed down)

Deutsche Bahn offer a rail card, or 'BahnCard', which offers you either 25% or 50% off train fares, for up to a year. With journeys to Paris and Stuttgart coming up, I decided this would probably be a good idea. I went for the €19 option which lasts 3 months. It all seemed straight-forward, I bought it online and received it within a week.

Then came the problems. 6 weeks into my 3 month contract, Deutsche Bahn sent me a letter with a new card attached, and a request for a payment of €62 for a new card that would be valid for another 12 months. At first I decided I would under no circumstances be paying for this. The main reason is that I'm only here until July, so there's no need for me to have a 12 month card. Renewing my contract by another three months would have been annoying enough, but 12?

Apparently in the small print there's mention of an automatic renewal. I've never been one to fastidiously check terms and conditions, and finally this has come to bite me. Of course you should read all terms and conditions. But if you were buying a 3 month rail card, would you read hundreds of tiny words in German to check you weren't being screwed over? And moreover, would you consider the fact that it could be renewed for a whole year?

For a long time I remained stubborn, determined not to pay money into a system that, in my opinion, is designed to catch people out. I'm not the only person I know that this has happened to. I posted the card back to Deutsche Bahn with a letter stating that I cannot pay for this card as I did not request it, and that they should kindly send me no more letters. I received another letter a couple of weeks later, stating that I now had to pay a fine of €2.50 on top of the card amount.

I decided at this point to write a letter back, reiterating the fact that I had not been aware of the automatic renewal policy, and that I am only living in Germany until July, and that they now had my card so I couldn't possibly pay. Then I did some research online.

It turns out I'm not the only one who thinks that this policy is nefarious and shady. Apparently, according to a couple of sources, this practice of giving the customer no possibility of cancellation is illegal in both the UK and the US. And that's for good reason. Too often it's the customers, and not companies or governments, who get very little say in what they're paying for or where their money goes. After reading some more, including on a forum made for English speakers living in Germany, I saw that Deutsche Bahn employ debt collectors (at the customer's expense) to ensure that they receive the money you *cough cough* owe them. I also found that German law does not protect the customer here. Shame on them. On one forum someone explained how they had received a court demand for five times the original value of the card. On hearing these facts, I decided to cough up the €64.50 and try and inform other people about this policy so they don't make the same mistake as me.

There are two morals to this story. The first is that you should always read terms and conditions, and in hindsight that was a big error on my part (having said that, I bought this card when I'd lived in Germany for less than a month, and bearing in mind it was only provided in German, even if I had read it, misunderstanding parts of it would have been inevitable). The second is that, as is so often the case, a large corporation dictates the situation and the customer is left pretty powerless. "We cannot accept the cancellation of your BahnCard renewal, after 6 weeks prior to the expiration date" is corporate bullshit for "we've designed a policy that will usually end up in you paying for more than what you want, and there's not much you can do about it."